Friday, July 3, 2009

The Other Time I Called Poison Control

The incident re: the butt paste Wednesday night was the second time I have called Poison Control. The first time was in college.

I was asleep in bed and felt something in my boxer shorts. As I was coming to, I felt a stabbing pain. I frantically swatted about my shorts area and got a second slightly less painful shot. I jumped out of bed and pulled off my boxers.

A scorpion crawled out of my boxer shorts.

At the time, the only thing I knew about scorpions was what I had seen in movies. Scorpions in movies are usually in the desert and are really bad, hence the inclusion in the movie. I had no idea there was a possibility of being stung by a scorpion in Florida, much less in my apartment - in my bed. From my existing knowledge base, the possibility of being attacked by a shark in my bed was just as likely as my scorpion encounter.

Not knowing if death was imminent and living in the dark age before Google, I called 911. They asked if I had an emergency. I said I didn't know, but I would appreciate a little information in that respect. After a some banter about how the 911 operator could either send, or not send, an ambulance if I thought I needed one or not, we decided I should call P.C.

I called P.C. and the operator asked me about the scorpion, which was now on my wall. We determined that it was one of the several species of non-lethal Florida scorpions. Who knew?

The thing is, both times I have called, the P.C. person has been totally nonchalant. Every time those people pick up the phone, they know they are about to hear a mildly crazy story. That would be a pretty cool job.

For future reference, the number for Poison Control is 1-800-222-1222. The number for Delta Airlines is 1-800-221-1212. They are sort of similar.

1 comment:

  1. You might as well just put it on your speed dial with having a bunch of kids and all....

    I remember our call to P.C. about a year ago when we were on the way home from a cook-out and while driving down the very busy interstate, in the dark, our middle triplet bit into a glow stick necklace. Needless to say, his mouth was quite "aglow." The green glowing liquid was covering the inside of his mouth. Yes, the P.C. operator was just as you described. I think they get immune. The great thing about a parent of HOM, YOU WILL TOO! Glad it all turned out. Butt paste and scorpion! Oh, and glow stick goop turns out to be non-toxic. Thought I would save you the phone call!