Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Heather vs. The Trashcan

When I heard the clatter from the garage on Saturday and then Heather angrily yelling at me, "I FELL DOWN IN THE GARAGE," I knew it wasn't going to be good.

Shockingly, these injuries were all caused by one fall. I count six distinct pre-bruises, one cut and one long abrasion that runs the length of Heather's arm. This one really looks to me as if she was defending herself from an attack or series of attacks. It was actually Heather wrestling a trashcan to the ground. The trashcan was OK.

Heather’s run-ins with inanimate objects are nothing new. She falls down a lot. And she runs into things. It used to freak me out, but after the thirtieth or fortieth time, I trust that she’s going to be mostly OK.

I fall too, but more often than not, I almost fall. You know that feeling where you almost fall down, but then you catch your balance and think: man - I almost fell down - that was close - I sure am glad I didn't fall. Heather has never had that felling. I’ve never seen her almost fall. She just falls. It’s not that she doesn’t put up a fight. Actually, trying not to fall after falling is inevitable is where things usually go wrong. She will begin to fall and then fight it, grasping for things, and hitting everything within a five foot radius all the way to the ground. Heather has passed this trait down to Piper, who once hit the changing table, the diaper pail, and a wall, all while falling the length of her eight inch legs. It's horrifying to watch, mainly because it take so long to happen.

In addition to being painful to see, I worry that people will think that I'm a wife beater because Heather always has at least one bruise on her. Usually, I have absolutely nothing to do with the injury, like when it's caused by her walking into the bed post or a door frame. On Saturday, though, Heather's trashcan match was initiated by two cases of bottled water.

I put them there, next to her car. This picture is taken from the steps of the garage that lead into the house. The garbage can, that was the immediate cause of the injuries, is three feet out of frame to the left. I can't help but feel partially responsible for this.

I know what your thinking: Gary, how could you possibly know that Heather would fall over the two cases of bottled water you put in her path with no room to walk on either side. I know. I know. Even though I could have never foreseen her falling over the cases of water piled next to her door, I still feel bad in a way.

Just writing it makes me feel better, though. I'm glad I was able to get that off my chest. Heather's fall on Saturday was really hard on me. My wounds are on the inside. They take longer to heal.


  1. ha ha ha! you poor man. gosh, how will you ever cope with the pain???

  2. Peeing my pants here, Gary. (Sorry Heather.)
    What I meant to say was:

    I hope she ROUGHS you up, man.

    It is on.

    I would watch my back if I were you. (You can do this Heather----you can.)

  3. I just came over from Multiples & More and I am so glad I did. I needed a good 'tears running down my face' laugh like this today. I am forever falling like this - even as a kid - and I think I passed it on to at least 2 of my 3 girls. But man, it makes for some fun reminiscing after the pain subsides.