Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Death of a Man Room

When Heather and I were shopping for a house in 2003, there were two things I wanted: a wine cellar and a man room. I didn't care if the wine cellar was off of, or part of, the man room. I just wanted a place to store a couple hundred bottles of wine and a place to drink said wine while playing pool.

After we looked at a few houses and our realtor gave a passable effort not to laugh at me for being critical of the lack of suitable wine storage in the houses, Heather had a little talk with me. She informed me that "people like us," buying three bedroom houses, didn't want or need wine cellars. We agreed to disagree on that one.

Having scrapped the wine cellar requirement, my last stand on the list of "wants" was a man room. When we walked in the house we ultimately bought, Heather and our realtor looked around, oohing and ahhing at the kitchen and master bath's pretty things. I went upstairs to find a giant unfinished room with a plywood floor, exposed studs, and no wiring, just waiting to become my perfect man room. I cared very little about the rest of the house after Heather told me that I could "have" that room as mine. Sold.

Even though I may have been a little naive in thinking that fellow poor people had or wanted wine cellars, I possessed incredible foresight in staking out 400 square feet of the house as mine. I didn't know, as I do now, that "our" house is just "ours" because I have a key and I live here. I live in Heather's house. "Our" house would not have fourteen decorative pillows on our bed or towels that I'm not allowed to touch. Somehow, even then, I knew that my man room would be my haven in our home. My only space.

I can put dead animals on the wall.

(That was self defense, by the way)

It's the only place in the house suitable for fish pictures.

I even have dogs playing pool.

Those silly dogs. See - He got hit in the nose. They slay me.

When we found out number four on the way, Heather and I started talking about housing options. We could move to a bigger house (Option "A"). We could turn part of the man room into a guest room (which is a must have for Heather's mom) by putting in a pullout couch and getting rid of the bar (Option "B"). Or we could add a bathroom and closets to the man room, turning it into a big bedroom for the girls (Option "C"). We weighed our options, including the prospect of marketing a house with a romper room for a dining room, and decided to use my man room to make our 3/2.5 into a 4/3.5.

It was my idea, granted as an Option "C," but it didn't take long for Heather to decide "C" was the way to go. I had actually thrown out Options "A" and "B" first without "C," but I accidentally started the conversation by saying we had three options. Heather put me on cross and pulled "C" out of me when no third option was forthcoming. I was planning on keeping "C" in my back pocket, but that's what I get for marrying a lawyer. Bye-bye man room.

We're going to put the three kids in the new bedroom when it's done and make their old room a nursery for the baby. Then we'll split up rooms by sex when the baby is older and on the same schedule as the kids, with the girls getting the new room and the boy(s) getting the room the kids are in now. The guest room / Heather's mom's room stays intact.

The first twelve feet of this corner will be two closets:

This corner will be the bathroom, with be the shower/tub against the far wall and the length of the bathroom coming out as far as the closets opposite the newly formed hallway:

Man Room: 2003-2010. Rest in peace my friend. I'll pour out a little of my 40 for you. Not in the house, of course. Maybe outside. I'll have to ask Heather.


  1. Dude. Greg's man room is in the garage. I had no idea men actually had rooms INSIDE the house.

    Okay, this is a true story. When we moved in our house fourteen years ago, there was a couple right across the street from the park with quadruplets. When we would go for walks in the park, the husband was ALWAYS watching TV in the garage. We totally laughed about it.

    We have a big screen TV in our garage. Who is laughing now?

  2. this was utterly hilarious. I will pour a 40 out for you dude.

  3. D just locks himself in the bathroom with the newspaper (sometimes I think he also runs the water in the sinks to block out the noise from outside the bathroom?) Maybe that can work for you for a while. Sorry about your man room. I'm sure by the time it's all set up with valances and gingham finials from Pottery Barn Kids you'll forget that it was ever a man room at all.

  4. R.I.P. The Man Room.
    It was good while it lasted Gary.
    Nanny Y