The Other Time I Called Poison Control

The incident re: the butt paste Wednesday night was the second time I have called Poison Control. The first time was in college.

I was asleep in bed and felt something in my boxer shorts. As I was coming to, I felt a stabbing pain. I frantically swatted about my shorts area and got a second slightly less painful shot. I jumped out of bed and pulled off my boxers.

A scorpion crawled out of my boxer shorts.

At the time, the only thing I knew about scorpions was what I had seen in movies. Scorpions in movies are usually in the desert and are really bad, hence the inclusion in the movie. I had no idea there was a possibility of being stung by a scorpion in Florida, much less in my apartment - in my bed. From my existing knowledge base, the possibility of being attacked by a shark in my bed was just as likely as my scorpion encounter.

Not knowing if death was imminent and living in the dark age before Google, I called 911. They asked if I had an emergency. I said I didn't know, but I would appreciate a little information in that respect. After a some banter about how the 911 operator could either send, or not send, an ambulance if I thought I needed one or not, we decided I should call P.C.

I called P.C. and the operator asked me about the scorpion, which was now on my wall. We determined that it was one of the several species of non-lethal Florida scorpions. Who knew?


The thing is, both times I have called, the P.C. person has been totally nonchalant. Every time those people pick up the phone, they know they are about to hear a mildly crazy story. That would be a pretty cool job.

For future reference, the number for Poison Control is 1-800-222-1222. The number for Delta Airlines is 1-800-221-1212. They are sort of similar.